Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Worthiness Wednesday #61 WTF?
Today, I had a bit of a revelation.
And that revelation was, exactly this:
I mean, really, what is this all about? Why have I been marinating in such misery? Why are things that happened nearly forty years ago limiting who I could be for the next forty years? Why am I letting fear of things that may never happen hold me back? Why am I giving myself such a hard time when I'm actually doing pretty bloody well?
I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for the chorus of Hallelujah to start up.
I mean seriously.
I'm smart. I'm capable. I'm healthy. I can investigate things. I can learn things. I can fix things. I can look after myself.
I'm kind. I love. I have a sweet, loving, supportive husband. I have a beautiful, cheeky, clever daughter. I have a gorgeous, wise, fun sister. I have intelligent, generous, loving parents. I have terrific, interesting, genuine friends. I am loved.
How hard can this be?
Why am I making this so hard?
Today, I'm over it.
Over the frustration and resentment. Over wanting. Over seceond-guessing. Over drawing parallels between the way I was parented and the parent I am and perennially looking for faults. Over doubting myself. Over stagnation. Over analysing. Over apologising. Over catastrophising.
I know who I am. I know where I have come from. I know why. I don't know where I am going, exactly, but I know that I am well equipped for the journey. I am looking forward to working hard and to making it work. And I am looking forward to falling, because I know I will held and I know I will learn. And I know I can keep going.
It's like my eyes are open, for the first time in a long time. So much so, that I got a little creeped out and wondered "What is it about today?". And, of course, being the hard-edge pragmatist that I am, I looked straight to the stars (!). And came across this, from the ever-reliable Jonathan Cainer:
Never again will you live through a time when there is a historic transit of Venus in your sign. Our great grandchildren may eventually live through such a phenomenon and then they too, will understand just how profoundly their lives have been blessed. But for now, you should revel in the knowledge that a great gift has been given to you. Many delightful changes will come your way in the weeks and months ahead and they will all trace back, somehow, to the understandings you reached and the inspiration you felt today.
Venus transit. Of course. The birthplace of Venus just happens to be the birthplace of my mother's family. And now the legacy of my family, the imprint that their experience has had on my psyche, is finally starting to fade. And now I am reborn. This is a good enough explanation for me.
Or maybe, in the wise words of Lisa Simpson, "Maybe there is no moral, Mum". To which Homer replies, "Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened."
The next Venus transit is anticipated in 2117: my great grandchildren may see it.
In the meantime, I want them to see me. I want my daughter and my husband to see me. I want to see myself. It's time to open my eyes to the gifts I already have.
This week, will you join me in stepping in to your own story? When the morning arrives, will you sit up in bed, wipe the sleep from your eyes and use the new light of day to take a cold hard look at all of the things that have been holding you back? Will you see them, almost as if for the first time, and exclaim loudly (and almost in find amusement): WTF?
This week, I invite you to soak in the blessings of the transit of Venus and to share in the power of the talisman I am choosing to wear, pictured below. I wear it for me, and I wear it for you. Because we are worthy of our most powerful, our most enlightening and our most authentic story.
We really can do this. It's simpler than you think.
PS In case you're wondering, the charm is on a bracelet designed by Karen Walrond for Bel Kai Designs. It's a beauty, isn't it?