Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Worthiness Wednesday #42 The tyranny of dreams
January 2011 was a crazy, amazing time for me. It was as if I had awoken from a coma and was suddenly seeing, hearing, tasting everything in vivid colour for the first time. For about four weeks, I hardly slept a wink a night. But my energy levels were through the roof, my mind constantly ticking over with ideas and inspiration.
I'll never really know exactly what happened during that time, but I suspect a couple of things contributed. My first major breakthrough in therapy. A time of intense introspection. Early experiences with Soul Restoration and the discovery of a whole new creative vocabulary. Going sugar-free for three weeks. The rejuvenation that comes from the end of one year and beginning of the next.
A couple of weeks ago, I discovered on my altar an aerogramme addressed to myself, with the instructions "Open December 2011". Upon opening it, I recalled that I had written it during the height of this intense and ecstatic time.
It was a list of dreams, clearly written by a woman who knew the world was her oyster, who had every confidence wishes would be granted.
It was the same woman who read the note a year later. But she'd be lying if she didn't admit that her heart sank.
A few of the items did come true, largely through her own hard work. Others didn't have quite the same attraction or urgency.
Most seemed further away than ever.
She recalled what she'd learnt in Mondo Beyondo: that a Dream List is not a To Do List. She also remembered dreaming exercises she done in her 2012 Creating Your Goddess Year workbook, which included a series of small task lists to help ensure that she would spend her year working towards each dream identified.
But she couldn't help but think of all the blog posts she'd read over the course of the festive season, where friends and others she admired from afar, ticked every item off their list of intentions from the year just passed.
It's fair to say, she felt like a bit of a failure.
And she wondered if this kinda defeated the purpose of the Dream List in the first place.
So this year, in the spirit of savour, this woman is going to do things a little differently.
This woman, she knows why all of the things on her dream list didn't come to pass. Some were just too big to tackle with the time/energy/resources she had at her disposal. Many were too long term to manifest in the space of one year. Most would not happen unless she was prepared to prioritise them over a number of other things, and then work bloody hard. Others were out of her hands and would only come to fruition when the time was ripe. One or two were impeded by blocks, in her psyche, in close relationships. (These would have to be fought for, hard.)
This year, this woman is going to shelve her Dream List for a bit. She has chosen a word as a travelling companion. She is going to learn a little more about the visioning process. And then she is going to give the rest up to the universe.
This woman, like you, is doing the work. Every day, she does what she can. She shows up. Some days, she does it wretchedly. Other days, she soars. She figures that the most important thing is that she does it anyway. Every day, she tries to do one little thing that brings her vision, her life's dream, her heart's deepest desire, her purpose to life.
This year, will you join her? Will you gently shelve your lists, your dreams, your intentions, your gaols... all those things that were created with the best of intentions but can also flip at a moment's notice and become yardsticks we can use to beat ourselves with? Will you decide against comparing your journey to anyone else's? Will you commit to trusting that whatever you do -- however imperfectly -- that it is enough?
Our paths are worth trusting, however they might meander. We deserve comfort in the knowledge that our efforts -- to show up, to do what we can, to do it anyway -- are enough.
And even if our dreams don't come true: we are enough.