Making art is making me happy. Other things making me happy: cooking and eating popcorn with my little 'un; discovering sustainable creativity; parcels of books arriving in the mail; journalling; generous and thoughtful gifts for my little 'un's second birthday; fresh flowers; being acknowledged for my contribution in my day job; lighting my extravagant L'Occitane candle every day; kind and caring emails from friends; my husband's work day going better than expected.
Other things making me less happy: feeling hemmed in by other people's agendas; getting dumped on in my day job; eating too much 'bad' food; comparing myself negatively to other artists and bloggers; getting bored/annoyed with myself for feeling so yuk so often; struggling to juggle everything that needs to happen in a day for my little 'un, especially when she is not always cooperative.
So it's a bit of a rollercoaster ride these days. And unfortunately, I am beginning to realise that -- despite what pop psychology would have me believe -- smaller moments of everyday delight are not enough to compensate for, or override, the bigger struggles. BUT I am glad they are there and am working hard to feel proud for noticing them.
And thank you, sweet friends, for championing my little grannie blankie's splendid imperfection. You are right. I will dig it back out and I will finish it. I may even decide to unravel the bits that were deemed technically imperfect, and redo them (my psychologist has invited me to not see this as a "giving in" or admission of failure).
Either way, I am kind of glad the whole incident happened, because it gave me tremendous insight into where certain behavioural patterns have comes from, and a valuable lesson in what happens when particular people inject strong opinions into my psyche.
In an email reply to my joy quest, an old friend said that sometimes joy is mixed in with sadness, and sometimes they're the same thing. Poignant, I thought, so I'm sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteThe blanket... I'm thinking it's a bit like being a person - a person with imperfections. Some we wish to change, some we don't see, some we're accepting of... When someone points them out and criticises and tells us how we should be perfect, there is resistance, rebellion, yuckness. But when the initiative to keep or change comes from within, it's different, isn't it?
Sounds like you now see this encounter as part of your journey. :)